|EXTRACT from NOBODY SPEAKS|
I came across this extract from an interesting book by Harve Arden. It speaks on being of Mixed Blood in the world today. I asked Harvey if I could post it in this forum as I thought it had some wisdom to it that others may appreciate:
Hello Harvey, I feel negative this morning and want to tell you why. I will also try and keep it condensed and remember I'm not educated so if you’re interested enough to read this please do not be so critical of me since you're educated and an author. Thank You!
I'm nobody and I don't understand why I must be a somebody to get through to other somebodies about the things you've been sending me regarding our ‘Earth Mother’ and the Peltier problem. I would never consider myself to be the keeper of any wisdom from any of the indigenous populations anywhere in the world but specifically speaking of the North American Indian Peoples. I am a mixed blood that has absolutely no idea what Nation runs through my veins. I've spent much of my life isolated from other people that feel their belonging to Earth and cry constantly because of the pain caused her by the insatiable need for MONEY and the material possessions that never seem to be enough for those greedy ones! And due to the fact that my family did exactly what the government wanted them to do and that is assimilate into the main stream of White society—so that makes me a victim of genocide. So that makes me nobody, I say I'm nobody because really the only real people in my opinion are the ones that didn't lose their way from and forget why we're here, our basic reason for why we were created and know what the term ‘Mother Earth’ means. But because of the genocide I can't carry a tribal card and I can't proudly say I'm Lakota, Cheyenne or any of the other great tribes and bands of Indian people, I'm therefore nobody and am not entitled to any wisdom either?
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So I ask myself every day when I get up, whilst thinking of God called by many other names but really has no name, to me the Creator of all the universe, why have my eyes been opened up to things that I cannot possibly do anything about and why do I feel so much pain when most could care less about what I see and feel and so again I'm nobody I guess because I don't get the answers I'm looking for. Everywhere I go people think I'm an ‘Indian’ and yet as a child I wasn't taught anything about Native culture or even about being Indian.
The older I got more and more doors were slammed in my face, I was told there's no way you can do this work and there's no way you could possibly learn this and there's no way you deserve to make this kind of money. Note that I wasn't looking for a way to get rich I just wanted to be able to be a home owner and have somewhat of a comfortable life and felt that I should make the same money as everyone else that's doing what I do but usually I was making less and was always asked to do more and know more for less and always was expected to to do more and more therefore was never able to achieve that comfort zone I saw others reach and if I didn't like it I was told, "Too, bad leave!" and I would, and it would just start all over in another place. So after 30 years of this in the work place I figured it out. It's as simple as being mixed blooded and those mixed blooded people like me are plagued with trouble from prejudices.
This all sounds like it's just about me but it really isn't, it's about all the people like me that are stuck in the same web I'm stuck in. What another horrifying thing about this is, the Native people in the Eastern section of the states are just as bad with their prejudice's as White people. As for the ones that carry their so called card which makes them the real Indians and without the card we're called " Wannabes ". To try and figure some of this out I attend Pow Wows frequently and as I sit there and watch the people in the circle, excluding veterans, people are supposedly dancing an Indian Dance but in actuality they're just out there in the sacred circle wiggling around making a mockery of what their supposed to be doing and if they were doing it right which I have have no idea whats right or wrong but for some reason I cannot explain why I seem to know when they're doing something that's a terrible mockery. At times whilst watching them I will become overwhelmed with grief and completely break down into a full blown CRY especially when the drum group is doing a good job. Every once in while there's a group that resonates clean into my soul and then mixing all that together is when I just break down. This problem of the grief feeling as stuck with me for several years now and I think I might have come to the conclusion that it's very complicated and simple at the same time because I either have a very powerful imagination or Creator not only opened my eyes to the plight of the Human condition, nowadays, but opened my eyes to the past as well? There are moments when I could say that I've been back there in a long time gone before the Alien Invasion, seen the health of Earth Mother and snapped back to this time and then I'm completely shocked at the differences and rapid deterioration of Mother's Health not to say either that everywhere I would travel in that past I didn't see any " Wannabes " anywhere. and there wasn't a money problem either.
I don't understand why I've been a receptacle for Spiritual contact or why I've been chosen for this but by no means do I think I'm a “Wisdomkeeper,” again I'll say, but the fact that something is happening to me is telling me that Creator working with the Natural World is communicating with me and without proper guidance from the elders I can't begin to understand the meaning of all these things that happen to me. How without a tribal card could I possibly have any insight to the Human Condition and or Native American Philosophy. It should be grounds for consulting a psychiatrist because without the card it's not possible to communicate with the old ones our ancestors and in my travels around here there are no Elders willing to speak to a Wannabe, nobody, non Indian so then events like this one. Next paragraph.
I wanted to show a drunken friend something of my view of the Natural world and took him to a place very secluded as secluded goes for the Eastern shore of Md. where I was living at the time and where my contact with the spirits of the Ancients began. It was actually a Md. State Hunting Area on the Eastern Shore. To get there you have to go about 10 miles down a dirt road and at the end of that dirt road there's a small parking lot on the edge of a corn field. Across the corn field there's a large wooded area and on the other side of that wooded area is the Nanticoke River, which remains very dear to me from the travel I mentioned earlier. I was able to see what the Nanticoke was like long before the Aliens landed and what a beautiful area it was. So we pulled into this small parking lot and I saw in the distance the sky filling up with what looked like a swarm of insects.
I looked over at my drunken friend who was sober at the time because he only drinks at night, and I said “Look at that!” This swarm was getting closer and it wasn't long before I realized that it was coming straight for us. Well, I've never seen anything like this and probably never will again. This swarm of Dragon Flies literally came to my pickup that we hadn't even thought of stepping out of and there were thousands of them and they came right up to the windshield and then many of them moved around to the side windows and were just hovering there buzzing. It was very scary for my friend and I could tell he was afraid and he looked over at me and asked what does this mean and I said I don't know but I wasn't afraid because I knew that it was Creator communicating again to me through the Natural World and it was kind of fun because it was a time when I actually was a witness to these “insane things” for a non-Indian. But I've got no idea the meaning of it completely, I have ideas and that's all I have.
Well, apparently after writing all this I've begun to feel better! I had to leave somewhere in the middle of writing this to go to a job interview for a part time job. I'm looking for a part time job because after having 3 Heart attacks and 2 feet of my colon removed I'm not viewed anymore as someone to do somebody's crappy work for them and make them lots of money so after many denials I'm finally living on SSDI and it came at a good time because all my resources were totally exhausted and I probably might have had a stay of homelessness.
By the way on the way back from the interview I stopped at Barnes and Noble Books and bought Prison Writings. I sat for a while and read through it and again I think for a non-Indian I sure do think and feel like an Indian!
Sincerely, Steve Goode
Steve-- Thanks for your powerful letter. There are many many folks in your plight, mixed bloods and 'non-bloods' who feel called to the Red Road. I'm one of'm myself. But I've come to realize that WE ARE ALL FULL-BLOODED HUMAN BEINGS. Yes, we're 'nobodies', mere fragile human beings, but we're also somebodies as well, filled with geniune Spirit. May I send your letter out to folks on my list? I know your words will touch their hearts. And perhaps some will share their thoughts and feelings with you. Blessings & friendship from a fellow nobody. /Harvey
Please do, send it to who ever you want, anyone you think can" hear" and " understand " the meaning of these words. I will appreciate it though that you won't change anything, not that you would, so that people will get it from me, out of my mind, from the Creator or the spirit guiding me!
By the way, Prison Writings is great! It's the kind of book that I like to read slowly and absorb the thoughts of the person writing it and then reflect on the meanings of their feelings and try to picture in my minds eye connecting it to my Heart so the emotions can flow without being apposed by a Damn DAM!